It took the therapeutic process in post divorce and post ministry to finally gain a healthy view on sex, sexuality and sensuality.
The sensual world is something we place in a seperate category of life and we have strange conversations we do not have about anything else. I was talking to friend the other day and we spoke about the strange import people place on "the number". This is the magic number of people you have had intercourse with.
You are rarely asked about how many times you have been in love, how many people you have kissed, how many times you have felt electricity rush up your spine at the very act of holding someone's hands. How many times have you lit up when that special someone walks in a room and his or her simple presence stirs up within you? Are you still in love with the one that got away? Can you be fully immersed in me and think of no other when we are together?
We are not asked these very important questions.
We are asked the number?
The sensual world is beautiful and pure. It awakens the senses and you can become so lost in a moment that you forget where you end and the other begins. This is living poetry. This is music between two people. This is fire and awareness and beauty and wonder and delight. This is two becoming one person, one body, one spirit lost in the rhythm of the fragile connection of two souls.
This is not some separate category under the rule of church and government. This is not some naive focus on some arbitrary number. This is a part of us. This is part of the whole of who we are and what we can not only share with another, but a part of ourselves that we can get into contact with.
When we embrace our sensual self as part of our whole self, we can find ourselves complete as wonderful tapestry of us with the threads of passion interwoven as a part of us.
If you feel guilt laid upon you because of your number. If you feel shame over things you have done or had done too you, I need you to know that is not your scarlet letter to bear. That is judgement and anyone who would shame you for who you are is not one who can accept you or worthy to walk in your garden and taste your fruits.
Let go of shame and embrace the beauty of the sensual world.