On Facebook, there is this thing called TimeLine Memories or something like that. It tells you what you posted a year ago that very day and gives you a glimpse into what you were posting. For the most part it is pretty trite and in other ways, it had given me an insight that I have been watching.
The last few months have been fascinating. One year and a few months ago I was at my most angry point in life and my most dark. I even had a dear friends point out how scary it had been becoming. It would come to a crescendo where I would have to face it all and almost lose my life to get my head out of my ass.
Now, I am watching the path of life as I allowed love to enter and the brightness that I see is wonderful and it brings back a different set of memories. But as I see the new memories and those moments, they are almost harder to read than the darkness was.
Why is that harder to read? Because in the darkness, I knew how that ended and it was wonderful despite the terror. I know how this story ends as well, and it has some hard moments.
So, I have two choices, I can continue to drive ahead looking through the rear view mirror of life, or I can be grateful that every moment in my life has led me to this one and make the most of this moment so I know where I am on the road of life.
It is better to navigate when you are aware of your current surroundings.
I like it here. I like ti now. My room is a little messy, my life is a little messy, my world is not perfect, but I am pretty damn happy. I have amazing friends, I have art, I have this moment and in this moment I can taste coffee on my lips, look to my right and see a friend with me as we get ready for an adventure at an event where we are getting to work and delight others. My walls are covered in art and books lay at my feet. My sinuses are a little clogged, but that is okay. I like my work. I love my son.
There are some things that I wish were different right now. But looking backward will never change any of these things and some of them I have to accept as they are. If I do not accept these things, then that means I do not accept people and that is not something that I want to be a part of my nature.
The memories are fine and all, but now is where I life. Now is where life is. Now is all I really have and any of us really have. Yesterday gave us now and now will give us tomorrow.
A year ago was nice, but now is here and now I can love, now I can improve my station, now I can be and become. I miss part of a year ago, but if I dwell on that, I will miss today.