I changed my mind.
I was gonna write dark shit because I am butt hurt that some things have not worked out the way I wanted them to. I think self examination can sometimes be like a make up mirror. They have two sides to them. One side is normal and the other side is this wickedly cruel magnified mirror. When you look in that mirror you never say, "Good Lord do I have great complexion!" No, you pluck things and see every imperfection on your face and everything is horrible.
But look in a normal mirror and those things are not what stands out. The entirety of you and your life is actually not as horrible as that make up mirror.
I have a few marks on my face. I have made some mistakes that have hurt people and myself. I have some melodramatic things that I need to pluck, but there are some good things.
In my case they are as follows.
- I have an amazing son.
- I have a wonderful friend who runs her own vintage business.
- I have a wonderful friend in Detroit who can write and drink any man I know under a table.
- I have discovered a family in the artist community.
- I have made many new friends and rekindled some old friendships.
- I have a best friend in this world who has seen me as I have have seen her since 2008 and the transparency is delightful.
- I may not be terribly good at dating, but I am a terribly good friend.
- I don't have much money and my car looks like an escapee from a junkyard and no one who loves me seems to care.
- I have two part time jobs in amazing places and with amazing people and I am starting to get good at this art thing.
- I don't need viagra yet.
- Even at what I consider my worst, some still say they wanna be in my life.
- I weigh less now than I have in years and feel great sans some constant back pain.
- People believe in me and I am getting back to that space myself.
- And much much more.
Are there things in life that are deeply wrong? Are there things I have said and done that look ugly in the magnified mirror of self examination? Yeah. I will focus on them from time to time, we all do. It sucks that upon self examination the mirror can sometimes enhance the ugly and not the lovely.
We can spend so much time looking in the magnified mirror that we forget to look at the larger picture and realize that we are not only beautiful, but we are surrounded by beauty.
So I deleted the dark shit, put the make up mirror away and changed my mind.
I know a lot of people who need to do the same because you are beautiful too.