Friday, June 17, 2016

Love's a Call Away (but)

A Call Away
For those who do not know, payphones are alive and well. For those who may not know what a payphone is, before mobiles they were everywhere. You put money in it to make a call. We were mobile and had to find stationary phones. Sometimes they still come in handy. 

I remember one time I was in rural Pennsylvania on a long drive not long ago. While driving I was thinking and contemplating as I am prone to do on the road. There was a lot going on in my life and as I thought about it, the weight of the world crashed on me like a tsunami on the beach of my heart. There was someone I needed to call and talk to more desperately than I could remember. The fullness of pain and loneliness crushed me. Love was a call away but I had no cell phone reception. I was in the middle of nowhere and I was looking for the relics called payphones. I found one in a gas station/diner with a gravel lot. Love was a call away, but I had no change. I ran inside the diner and asked the waitress if I could have some change. It was a long distance call so I would need a lot of it. I tipped her for the kindness and went to the payphone. Love was a call away but I got her voicemail. 

All the courage and all the need I had melted because I needed to have a conversation. I heard the voicemail message. I heard her voice. I could taste the coffee of our last meeting as I heard her voice. I could feel the emptiness inside of the things unsaid but I could not say them. When I heard the inevitable beep I stood there for a moment and listened to the silence. I hung up the phone, smoked a cigarette, got back in my rental car and continued driving to Harrisburg. Love was a phone call away but I was afraid to speak my heart. 

1600 miles away someone may have stared at their phone and realized they missed a call. They did not recognize the number or area code. Love was a call away, but there was no message. A message that may have been a salve to a shitty summer.

If there's a call you have to make. Do it. If you have to overcome hurdles and obstacles and require the aid of others to make that happen, so be it. Life is a series of moments strung together and this moment is the only one that truly exists.

Love's a call away.

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