The writer's curse is that they are often filled with angst and self doubt. We can write something that others will look at and say,"This is amazing. How do you do this?" While they say these wonderful accolades, you are sitting there thinking..."This sucks. It is pure shit. I cannot believe I let anyone read this second rate trash. You keep reading, I will be over here huddled in the fetal position wondering why I did not become a podiatrist."
One of the hardest things for me to see is people that I love and care about not believe in themselves. If you are a friend of mine and reading this, please do not think I am "vaguebooking" you. I know a lot of people who do this. Things go wrong or a mistake is made and we think we are worthless or stupid. We think the things done to us are our fault or maybe we deserve them. We think we are horrific mutants to look at when we might actually be lovely to behold.
Self doubt in some ways is self abuse. We hurt ourselves and perpetuate the lie others may have told us about us.
I once heard about a motivational speaker talking about belief in self and attitude. At one point she poured water in a glass and filled it halfway. The expectation was the question as to if the glass was half full or half empty. Instead, she asked how much water people thought was in the glass and how much it weighs. There was only about 4 ounces in the glass and it did not weigh very much. She pointed out that right now, holding the glass in her hand with her arm elevated was pretty easy. If she kept holding on to even this 4 ounce glass of water long enough, if would strain her arm. It would weigh on her and she would be sore even though she works out regularly.
The weight of self loathing is something we carry with us and even if it is small, it will eventually hurt us, hinder us, slow us down and cause pain.
A lot of books and seminars have been sold by many a guru to tell us the secret to let go of these things. If there were a singular answer, no more books would need to be written. I do not think there is a singular answer. I wish there were. I wish I could write the key to tell all the beautiful people I care about how to let go of it. When they tell me they are worthless or dumb or unattractive or a failure I wish they could see themselves through my eyes and my heart. I suspect when I go through those times of darkness and the glass is weighing on me, they wish they could do the same.
I do not have the answers. I do know that the weight we carry, the lies we believe about ourselves, and the hurt caused from it sucks.
May we all learn how to drop that damnable glass and move on to see beauty when we look in the mirror. May we all be free of the weight that holds us back.